i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
