never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
