Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
