garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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