I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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