I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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