I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
