I will die if light touches me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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