It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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