There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
