you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
