The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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