I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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