I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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