sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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