It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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