Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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