I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
