Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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