i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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