if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Enjoy the penises
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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