she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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