Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
