In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
