yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
