you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
