Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
