my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
