It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
