Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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