Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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