pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
