I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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