Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
