youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
