I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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