I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you didnt know i had herpes?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
