The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
