We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
