the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
