it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we're so committed to being not committed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
