I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're so nebulous sometimes
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
