the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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