So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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