JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
