i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
