No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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