he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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