Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
