and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
