My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone came in the potted fern
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
