All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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