We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just pee around me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
