That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
